Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Happy Birthday to Me

It's official. I have now been on the planet for 49 years. Of course, if it is true that all of our body's cells regenerate on a regular basis, and that after 7 years one actually has a completely new body, then maybe I'm only 7 years old. Or 7 bodies old.

So the plan is that this body will achieve and maintain a weight of 157 pounds. That's a good fighting weight for me--last time I was at that weight was in 1992, when I won two gold medals in the AAU National Tae Kwon Do tournament held in the Adirondack region.

Then I was a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding, and it wasn't until the rehearsal dinner that I realized that I could have easily been punched in the eye, or been given a split lip or something during the tournament, and I would have looked like hell for the wedding photos. But it honestly never crossed my mind.

I looked great, very fit and curvy. But it didn't last long, because I discovered that losing weight didn't lead to happiness--nobody I cared about fell in love with me. And truly, that was all I really wanted. I wanted to find a soul mate, a partner. Instead, I found a lot of guys who wanted one-night stands. So I figured that being attractive was not all that.

Then I met my husband, and even though I'd gained about 20 lbs. he still liked me. He seemed attracted to some essential part of me, and weight gain didn't make a difference to him. It was very liberating, but the new mind-set I'd acquired put me on the path to weight gain.

Then I decided to get pregnant, even though I was 39 years old. Pregnancy ruins your figure, I reasoned, so why bother struggling to lose weight? I'll be eating for two soon enough, so why not start now? Sheesh.

I love food, love to cook and create a meal and enjoy the fruits of my labors. I also love to eat snacks, and candy, and fast food and ethnic food and fresh food and ... you get the picture.

My son was born when I was 42, and then the weight really started to appear and stick around. I was up to 235, then gradually crept up to 242. I stabilized there until I started having thyroid problems at 46, and that's how I arrived at that dreaded 257.

For the past month, I've been reasonably good on my diet, but lately I've slipped. Stress, job changes, and turmoil have thrown me off track again.

So now I'm relying on The Secret: I want to attract my perfect weight. I am attracting perfect health and weight, and I can eat everything and still maintain my perfect weight.

I'm sending out a message.