Friday, July 6, 2007

Loser, Love Thyself

I had a revelation while commuting to work this morning: I'm not sure if I truly love and appreciate myself, and if I don't, that could be one reason why losing weight is such a struggle.

Do I love myself? (And what does that mean, exactly?) Do I love my body?

Well, I'll take that last question first since it is the only one that makes sense to me right now. I don't really like to look at my body these days, and I don't want anyone else to see it because it's not in very good shape. I look away from the mirror when I get out of the shower, and dress quickly to avoid the lumps and bumps and newly-sprouted varicose veins. I pretend not to see the double chin or the bags under my eyes.

But I appreciate my body because of all the things it does for me: Seeing, hearing, touching, smelling, and tasting: moving and bending and making and lifting and all the automatic processes that are working just the way they should. I admit that I haven't given my body much suppport or encouragement over the past 10 years. I don't exercise or feed it properly, or do all the important little things that need to be done for it to continue in peak form.

Really, after all I've put my body through, it deserves a medal: Long hours at the computer, unhealthy eating, too little sleep, no time to stretch, no fresh air to breathe. No time to just relax. If I had done it to someone else, it would be cruel and unusual. But because I've done it to myself, nobody says anything.

After all that, I'm lucky my body is doing well as it is. And I am extra-lucky that it is a forgiving and friendly body, and will repair itself with no hard feelings if I let it.

I'm going to have that time to relax and repair very soon, and I'll take advantage of it. I hope I won't get into this situation again, and I'll take better care of my body in the future.

Now that I know that everything in my life is what I have created for myself, I want to begin to create the things that are good for me and make me happy.